Thursday, July 8, 2010
I'M GONNA LOVE YOU LIKE
I'VE NEVER BEEN HURT BEFORE
Life happens so very fast and there are so many changes and transitions that happen. Hopes and dreams and expectations are shattered many times, life happens. I miss some things when the kids were young and life seemed relatively simple. In my phone, I carry a picture of our youngest son, leaning his head on my shoulder (he was about 7 or 9yrs), and my heart longs for that time again where I could share tender moments with my him. Our oldest, also, was always so tender hearted and I remember his quiet, gentle ways. We weren't a perfect family, I have regrets, but I hope my children will one day read some of the things I've written, or watch some of my slides, or watch my vlogs, and know how very much I love them. Right now they are doing their own thing. There has been a lot of life lived, most of it has been rewarding and good, but there has been a lot of heartache also, especially in the last 10 years (starting around 1999 to present), and I have had disappointment, and deep, deep sorrow over some situations that I have had no control over (divorce, dreams I had for my children, hopes for the future, my health to name a few).
I have experienced many emotions over my lifetime...but I have to say the last 10 years were some of the toughest and many times I was almost overcome by hopelessness. I have lived the first part of this scripture : Pro 13:12 Unrelenting disappointment leaves you heartsick, but a sudden good break can turn life around. And now I am waiting for the second part...for life to turn around. At least I see light at the end of tunnel. Through the years God has been faithful and He has always been there for me when I stumbled and when I thought I would never stand again.
So, as I look back and try and let go of all the residue..there is a bit of grieving that I am going through...letting go of what could have been and what should have been, and all the what if's. I am going to love like I've never been hurt before...is a secular song but in a spiritual sense this is what I choose to do..shake the hurts of the past off, forgive others, forgive myself, pick myself back up and keep on living life the way Jesus wants me too. I am declaring and speaking the words to this song as I continue to move forward... "I’m casting my cares aside, I’m leaving my past behind ,I’m setting my heart and mind on You,Jesus. I’m reaching my hand to Yours,Believing there’s so much more....knowing that all You have in store for me is good ,Is good. Today is the day You have made ,I will rejoice and be glad in it . Today is the day You have made ,I will rejoice and be glad in it ,And I won’t worry about tomorrow ,I’m trusting in what You say. Today is the day! I will stand upon Your truth. And all my days I’ll live for You. Today is the Day (lyrics 'Today is the Day' by Lincoln Brewster).
Thank You, Lord, I love You and am ever so grateful for my life. You have Never Let me do, You've always been there and even when the storms come You have promised to never leave me nor forsake me. Amen God Bless :)